Newly Parents | Newlyweds To First Time Parents…and Everything in Between

I love you butt…

// November 2nd, 2009 // Marriage

I love my wife dearly but there are a few things that I just don’t think I will ever be able to do in front of her.

One of those things is #2. Even after 50 years of marriage, when we have seen or heard each other at our very worst in life, I firmly believe I will still be shutting the bathroom door behind me and locking it. Even in the rare instance where I’ve had to pee in the same bathroom she is in getting ready in, I’ve found myself purposely positioning myself so my back is to her and giving her strict instructions to keep her, “Eyes on the road!”.

Some moments in life are not meant to be shared and this is one of them. This also goes for talking on the phone while using the bathroom. Don’t think I will be fooled. The acoustics in the bathroom are much different than the rest of the house and you’d be surprised how well the microphone works on your phone. “Are you peeing?!”

For those couples who have the kind of relationship where you can comfortably take care of whatever bathroom business you need to in front of each other I say good for you! Also, I say you’re gross and please wash your hands and scrub your brain to erase the memory. There is no possible reason you would ever need to keep that memory.

On a similar note, if you do go to the bathroom and don’t shut the door all the way, you cannot get mad if I happen to walk by and kick the door open. If you would have shut the door and locked it you wouldn’t have to do the shuffle across the bathroom to try and close the door again. “Nice honey. *end sarcasm*” We’ve all had it happen. That’s just the way the game is played.

I think growing up with brothers has had a lot influence on how I use the bathroom now. I’ve learned the hard way.